It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
