So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
