he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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