for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
