hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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