so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
