We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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