Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
