I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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