Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She bit a glass in half.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
