You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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