How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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