In the future we'll all be gay
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
