So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
