he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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