I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
