belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
