ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
