I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
