no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
