Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
