Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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