five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
