Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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