So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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