I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
