I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Text me some of your sweat
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
