He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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