Kiss
Puke
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's not a walk of shame if you run
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
