yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
