I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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