you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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