Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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