Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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