Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
