yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think i scared a bird with my dick
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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