i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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