I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
