For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
