Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
