I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
