I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
