my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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