Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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