Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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