we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Porn is love you can see.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
