i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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