im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
