I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
