okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Randomize
