Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
